she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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