when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
