So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
