im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have aggressive nipples.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
