Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
