the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
