I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
