Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
