This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
