They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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