we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
