So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
