i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
