Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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