Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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