im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
