i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize