Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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