we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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