forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
