quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
