Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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