i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
