were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
