I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
