God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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