It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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