i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
