You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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