Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
