Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
