I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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