hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
