I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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