i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
