turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
