she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
