im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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