seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
two words: eviction party
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
