She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
