eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
