coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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