Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
