yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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