She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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