ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
