I wannas sexs uuuuu
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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