if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
