You're my little dorito
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
