I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
