I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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