Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
