Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm like, not good at living.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
