So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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