You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
