I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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