Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
