am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
