We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
