she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My bed smells like the plague
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
