Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
