I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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