If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
