It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
