do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
