the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
