Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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