Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
