Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
